Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
