Your mouth is God's brothel.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
