she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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