I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
