i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
