Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
