My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
