so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
