Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
