your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
That accounts for only three of the penises
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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