well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
