There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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