omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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