so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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