How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
