girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
