if you like me you must not know who I am
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
