my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
