So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
