wake up i wanna do it froggy style
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
