ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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