i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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