oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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