God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Welp...herpes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am one with the molecules
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
