You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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