CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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