My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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