a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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