i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
