Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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