theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize