Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
