Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
