Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
