I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
