Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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