I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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