Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
