Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
