Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
