He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
