it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
