I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
