Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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