this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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