if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
