Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
