There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
