this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
