1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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