Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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