It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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