New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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