Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she pinky promised me she was 18
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
