I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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