woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
