i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
