My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
