there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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