Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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