my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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