I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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