Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
