Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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