she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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