Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
