fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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