Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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