when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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