am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
